Wow, this is so thoughtful Alex and you really articulated so many things so well here from the surprising benefits of quitting to why there's this almost meme of sobriety on Twitter now. I found myself nodding when you highlighted some of the changes, I think I went through some similar ones but I wasn't that reflective when I quit and didn't notice it.
Great essay, super well written and gave me a lot to think about!
Adored this piece. Almost all of it resonated with me really deeply. This line in particular: “Without the core compass that emotion provides, I had to outsource my direction and identity, losing myself in the process. Drinking went from something I did for fun, to something that allowed me to have fun, to something that allowed me to be fun. Alcohol became a cheap surrogate for emotional maturity, stunting any real growth that should’ve been happening.”
Thank you for writing this and being so open. It’s an incredible and important experience that more people now have a chance to feel inspired by via you telling your story!! (And it helps you’re an incredible writer!)
Oh one more thing - one point you didn’t touch on much, maybe because you didn’t struggle with it, is how to navigate sobriety when you’re immersed in an alcohol-infused environment. That’s when I struggle the most. But I find the more confident I feel in my not drinking (likely due to addressing those underlying issues that fueled the drinking), the more comfortable I am sticking with my decision to not drink. Also helps to have a few nonalcoholic drinks in my back pocket that I love and can order at most places. Any tricks you have? Or not something you struggle with?
Thank you so much for reading and for the kind words Syd!
You bring up a great point. Funny enough, the weekend I stopped drinking I had a wedding with a bunch of fraternity brothers who were major drinking buddies. I thought it would be a lot harder than it was. I think what made it easier is exactly what you mentioned: addressing the underlying issues and having a few nonalcoholic drinks close by (I went with a friend to a nonalcoholic spirits shop before and brought some stuff to the wedding).
Do you have any way to (at least partially) avoid the alcohol-infused environments? In the beginning I think that's an important thing to do if you can, especially if you're finding it difficult. Sometimes an environment or particular group can make it almost impossible to say no, no matter how much resolve you have.
I've also found that it helps a lot to leave as soon as I feel ready. If you're around people who are drinking there's inevitably an inflection point where everyone who is drinking gets a second wind and you get (naturally) tired. That's a great time to bounce.
It sounds like you're in a great place mentally to take on the challenge of sobriety! Please let me know if I can help.
I think you hit a strong point we often fail to admit. We drank because it was an easy escape of shadows small or big. Like a reward for a tedious work week or needing to be engaged and positive at gatherings.
I like the theme of intention behind all this, I stopped drinking regularly about a year ago and at first it was cold turkey, but I realized at some point I didn't want to live in absolute terms. I still drink occasionally, but I plan it ahead of time and make sure it's worth it. It's informally the "weddings and birthdays rule" now
I dig it. Totally with you on preferring not to live in absolutes - I’m generally allergic to that kind of paradigm but this was the rare case where it was necessary.
Congratulations on making this transformation! The social pressure is real. Learning more about the health aspects from Matt Walker's sharing sleep research and Andrew Huberman's podcast have got me almost completely away from it. Hearing more stories like yours helps too :)
Dang Alex! This piece is packed with generously shared self-reflection and universal insights. I took a lot away, but the insight I loved the most was this, "Modern life is complicated, which has led us to believe that we are complicated. We aren’t, really . . ." and the para that follows. Thanks for dropping a comment on my article because I don't know if I would have stumbled on your work. Following now.
Thank you so much for the kind words Rick! I'm also really glad I stumbled on your work - currently enjoying reading through your archives (about to start the piece about the pregnant woman's 9 words that led you to writing a book!).
Wow, this is so thoughtful Alex and you really articulated so many things so well here from the surprising benefits of quitting to why there's this almost meme of sobriety on Twitter now. I found myself nodding when you highlighted some of the changes, I think I went through some similar ones but I wasn't that reflective when I quit and didn't notice it.
Great essay, super well written and gave me a lot to think about!
Thanks Michelle! Yeah I found myself learning a lot of this as I wrote
Adored this piece. Almost all of it resonated with me really deeply. This line in particular: “Without the core compass that emotion provides, I had to outsource my direction and identity, losing myself in the process. Drinking went from something I did for fun, to something that allowed me to have fun, to something that allowed me to be fun. Alcohol became a cheap surrogate for emotional maturity, stunting any real growth that should’ve been happening.”
Thank you for writing this and being so open. It’s an incredible and important experience that more people now have a chance to feel inspired by via you telling your story!! (And it helps you’re an incredible writer!)
Oh one more thing - one point you didn’t touch on much, maybe because you didn’t struggle with it, is how to navigate sobriety when you’re immersed in an alcohol-infused environment. That’s when I struggle the most. But I find the more confident I feel in my not drinking (likely due to addressing those underlying issues that fueled the drinking), the more comfortable I am sticking with my decision to not drink. Also helps to have a few nonalcoholic drinks in my back pocket that I love and can order at most places. Any tricks you have? Or not something you struggle with?
Thank you so much for reading and for the kind words Syd!
You bring up a great point. Funny enough, the weekend I stopped drinking I had a wedding with a bunch of fraternity brothers who were major drinking buddies. I thought it would be a lot harder than it was. I think what made it easier is exactly what you mentioned: addressing the underlying issues and having a few nonalcoholic drinks close by (I went with a friend to a nonalcoholic spirits shop before and brought some stuff to the wedding).
Do you have any way to (at least partially) avoid the alcohol-infused environments? In the beginning I think that's an important thing to do if you can, especially if you're finding it difficult. Sometimes an environment or particular group can make it almost impossible to say no, no matter how much resolve you have.
I've also found that it helps a lot to leave as soon as I feel ready. If you're around people who are drinking there's inevitably an inflection point where everyone who is drinking gets a second wind and you get (naturally) tired. That's a great time to bounce.
It sounds like you're in a great place mentally to take on the challenge of sobriety! Please let me know if I can help.
I think you hit a strong point we often fail to admit. We drank because it was an easy escape of shadows small or big. Like a reward for a tedious work week or needing to be engaged and positive at gatherings.
Get off social and see what happens
I like the theme of intention behind all this, I stopped drinking regularly about a year ago and at first it was cold turkey, but I realized at some point I didn't want to live in absolute terms. I still drink occasionally, but I plan it ahead of time and make sure it's worth it. It's informally the "weddings and birthdays rule" now
I dig it. Totally with you on preferring not to live in absolutes - I’m generally allergic to that kind of paradigm but this was the rare case where it was necessary.
Congratulations on making this transformation! The social pressure is real. Learning more about the health aspects from Matt Walker's sharing sleep research and Andrew Huberman's podcast have got me almost completely away from it. Hearing more stories like yours helps too :)
Thanks Claire! Yeah, the objectivity of the hard science definitely helps a ton.
Dang Alex! This piece is packed with generously shared self-reflection and universal insights. I took a lot away, but the insight I loved the most was this, "Modern life is complicated, which has led us to believe that we are complicated. We aren’t, really . . ." and the para that follows. Thanks for dropping a comment on my article because I don't know if I would have stumbled on your work. Following now.
Thank you so much for the kind words Rick! I'm also really glad I stumbled on your work - currently enjoying reading through your archives (about to start the piece about the pregnant woman's 9 words that led you to writing a book!).